Learning and Growing

A long time ago I used to say things like "ugh she's such a slut." pretty regularly. I used to clump people into stereotypes and not consider it racist and even though my ignorance was pretty harmless and not actually hurting anyone it was hurting EVERYONE. It just took me years to figure this out. It was pretty common for me to ignore what was going around in the world because it wasn't affecting me personally and to be honest it was just uncomfortable. I used to explain this by saying "I was too empathetic" which is an oxymoron if there ever was one. I was going to separate myself from everything that made me feel uncomfortable by stating that I was a person who could easily put myself in other shoes, what a moron!The reason I bring this up right now is because I am not that person but I recognize that person a lot. I see that person every day in people I encounter and it makes me sad and happy that I could acknowledge that. What changed? Maybe it was age? maybe I just decided to open my mind a bit?

 A year ago while talking with a friend about some interaction his friend had with a girl he said "she was acting like a slut, you don't respect girls that act like sluts." What the hell did that mean? I reacted unlike I usually did. I think I screamed at this person, stormed down my street and at one point started crying. It was the first time I felt so betrayed by how women are seen. The words coming from a friend, I was so ignorant to think that this is not how the world is. The word and the education I was seeking was found in feminism. Now this won't be a rant about feminism because that is not the only thing that I am learning about or opening my eyes too. Cut to Miley Cyrus....

Sometimes when I state this I get the biggest of eye rolls, but I think we can all see where this is going. Her VMA performance got a lot of slack but I am not here to hate on her "overtly" sexual dance moves or her get up but at the fact that she uses a black culture stereotype as a prop without seeing how harmful that can actually be. Moving towards cultural appropriation which is something I am learning about now. The thing about cultural appropriation is that it's such a fine line and it is not reserved for black culture but for all cultures. This is probably the hardest thing to learn about because a lot of the time it is not meant to be seen as racist by the artist, or person but within this world it can easily offend or harm. The other day my co-worker was asking us to watch this video of this women twerking at Walmart (yes, I know!) no one wanted to but he played it anyways. I wasn't going to say anything to him as he already eye rolls me any time I open my mouth "Why don't you know how to have fun?" he says apparently I am too uptight for him. Regardless he was watching it on the computer next to me and so I looked over. At one point he said "I wish she would lift up her dress so we could see if her ass is real." This is the kind of shit that cultural appropriation creates. If you think I'm reaching I ask you to reconsider.

What I discovered though is that people rarely want to have a conversation about offense or why things are seen in this light. Anytime I bring something up I always get told I am overreacting or that "I just can't enjoy anything." Which makes me remember why I stayed so ignorant in the first place. Still I can't let myself go back to that, I want to educate myself. I want to hear others opinions, I want you to tell me I'm wrong and list the reasons why. That is the only way I can grow and learn, and that's what I plan to do. 

ANOTHER PART OF ME

ANOTHER PART OF ME by melrosechavez featuring vans shoes

Vans shoes / Elizabeth and James black leather purse / Disney headband / Hourglass cosmetic / NARS Cosmetics red lipstick / Mineral powder make up / Winston

Brotherly Love

In the last week I have watched 9 and a half hours of Melissa and Joey. That's around 25 episodes, most of it binged watched, but watched none the less. To most people this might seem like a silly show, it is, but it's more than that. I mean you have Melissa Joan Hart, our favorite TV witch, and then you have Blossom's brother Joey Lawrence, and how can you not love this combination? Whatever they are doing, dancing, joking, juggling I don't care because I am going to watch it!

The real realization this week is my new found love for the Lawrence brothers. I really do think I am in love, no joke. Even Joey without his hair still has the charisma of his teenage alter ego. You almost expect him to bust out his ripped jeans and leather jacket. Maybe throw out a rap or two?  The other two Lawrence brothers have made appearances on the show. Matthew Lawrence is my favorite brother by default since starring in Boy Meets World.  I wish I could say he has gotten better with age but he hasn't because he has not actually aged. Obviously drinking from the same fountain as Stacey Dash or Keanu Reeves. Saving the best for last was Mrs. Lawrence with Andy Lawrence. Completely unrecognizable and now that he is of age I have no qualms about saying how attractive I find him. HUBBA HUBBA!

Thinking back to the 90's and the Lawrence hay day I forgot that they were kind of a hot commodity once upon a time. Even in Googling them (yes I did) I found the theme for there TV show, Brotherly Love. Yeah they had a TV show! How did I not remember that? Of all the things that have been blocked from my mind why would the Lawrence brothers fall into a "forget it you don't need it category." Currently looking up the DVD's as we speak. I'm going to need a few weeks to binge watch this.

Leaving you with these gems.....

LET'S JUST BE NICE, OKAY?

A few nights ago my friends and I were discussing how other people might describe us. Those keywords others choose to identify our personalities though they seem complimentary can sometimes rub us the wrong way. My best friend stated that he hated being described as "nice" in other words, nice in terms of boring. Can someone tell me when did we decide that nice was actually a bad thing? I blame the Fonz! Maybe James Dean? I don't know but as much as I hate the weight that word carries I realized that I hated to be described that way too.

But would it really be so bad to be nice? I say we can all stand to be a little nicer. I being the first person to admit that I can be a little harsh when initially meeting people and should probably soften up a bit. I think in this world we fear being nice as it's seen as "weak" or "uncool." and maybe if the connotation of boring or lame wasn't attached to the word we'd all try to be a little nicer. Talk to the new girl, help old ladies cross the street and what have you. I think I'm going to start living my life with the "It's cool to be square." mentality. Maybe this way I'll make more friends?

::MUAH::

THIS IS ME by melrosechavez featuring a waterproof eyeshadow

Barrette hair clip / Frends zipper headphone / TATTLY I Heart Sparkles temporary tattoo, $6.85 / Barrette hair clip / Kat Von D waterproof eyeshadow / NYX lipstick / Lomography Diana F+ Black Jack camera, $155 / Microserfs (Paperback), $18 / Feminist by adarlingknits on Etsy

I am the last person on earth to join Polyvore, yes the absolute last (rolls eyes.) I had to start for work and now I am so fascinated with all the cool things I can do with it. I decided to make a small collage of things that I love, this includes everything from Ben Schwartz (sigh) to Reality Bites (best movie.) I will actually be writing things soon but at the moment enjoy the pretty collage.

Testing, year 2014?

I've taken a break from blogging, blogged in other forums, and have decided to try my hand at this puppy again. let's see how it works out for me. 

Birthday Time

Every year around my birthday I get the same feeling, this time I'm experiencing it ten folds.
It's this anxiety as I look back at my life and try to figure out if I am living it to the best of my ability. Now I'm turning 30 a milestone that people see as reaching "adulthood." Not sure how I feel about that but I do know that I want to celebrate this year in style. I usually make a wish list of things that I want, translating really to things that I want to buy myself. The older you get, the less you expect formal gifts instead it's outing with friends, elaborate dinners, etc.

When thinking about what I wanted to get this year I realized what I really want is instruments. Besides the fact that my musical talent extends to being able to play a few chords on the ukulele, I really want to get musical. Maybe my mid life crisis is me trying to become a "rock star" maybe this is me crying for a creative outlet to express myself, regardless I am determined that in my thirties there will be a more musical me.
Maybe my talents are undiscovered because I have yet to find the right instrument for myself. Who knows? All I know is that it would be really cool to own a xylophone.

Let's discuss.....

NEW YORKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

I finally made it to Central Park, my "happy place", walking through was definitely not easy due to the cold and my feet and their blisters. I am the only person in the world that thinks it's okay to break in a new pair of Docs walking around NYC. Walked from the Upper West Side through the park to get to the MET. This day of all days it was extremely packed. Since I rarely or ever visit near a holiday I forgot what it was like to have tourist infested traffic, which I actually didn't mind. I unlike other people I know don't mind a little tourist enthusiasm around me. I remember how I felt the first time landing in NYC, the way I felt when I first saw Times Square or Rockerfeller Center. It is an excitement that you can read on people's faces, even if they are always looking up, walking too slow, and just getting in the way :) 

I spent a lot of time going out with friends which I needed! At home I get so wrapped into my job that all I ever want to do is rest. I am such a homebody, I am the most comfortable on the couch, watching Netflix stream and eating some take out. Obviously this wasn't always me so when I get out here my friends make sure that I get out, have some drinks, and just let loose. I might of let loose a bit too much? Still no hangover! I would consider that success! 

This was the view of Times Square the night before NYE. The way the crowds were forming you would think that it was happening that night. I was literally stuck in a mob two blocks down. It was worse than any concert I have ever been to. You actually had to wait in line to walk down the street. This was taken two blocks away from where I used to live.

For New Years Eve I trekked down to Atlantic City to catch the Brand New show at the House of Blues. I left the apartment at 3 and literally got stuck. They would not let me walk down the street. I had to walk all the way around to 40th and 6th just so I can go down to Port Authority. Luckily I left early and didn't miss my bus. I forgot what it felt like to take the Greyhound bus, I found myself in the same position that I was in 9 years ago, riding the Greyhound trying to get to a Brand New show. Somethings never change.

Atlantic City was pretty interesting, my second time there and this time I actually got a good look at it. It looks like what I would imagine Vegas would look like if NJ got a hold of it. Take that however you like.....
I cannot say enough good things about the show, since it was basically one of my dream shows. Brand New played for almost 3 hours straight. Acoustic, into YFW, then into request. The countdown happened during Soco Amaretto Lime, which 9 years and 2 days ago to the day my friends and I had flown to NYC to see Brand New play at Sports Plus. That is when Jesse renamed the song Southern California Amaretto Lime...
I will try to explain this in brief but that band really does mean the world to me. Spending New Years at the show, which I thought was going to be a shitty idea, actually ended up being the most cathartic thing.

I have two more days here.... I'll make them count!

My hands are frozen

I wish I could open up my brain and heart and let everyone in on how I feel when I come to the city. It is truly magical for me, cheesy? probably but that is the only word I could use. I come here a lot, I have a lot of feelings, this place makes me happy. All these things are true but to some up my experiences with words is never enough it's pictures that capture what I see. 

To be honest when I was landing two nights ago, I opened up the window view and almost started crying. I just thought to myself all the reason why I couldn't stay previously and make it work. Every time I land I feel so non-nonchalant, as to say that this is a place that I know. Even though to know NYC you must actually live here, it is constantly changing, making itself new again every few years. That deli in the corner is no longer a deli, it is a sushi restaurant.My favorite mexican food place is now a clothing store, and so on and so on. 

LA never changes like that, we are no good at being uncomfortable so we stay exactly the same. (Thanks Fiona Apple for that quote) I love walking in the city, mostly due the fact that I can cover so much ground, see so much around me. LA definitely does not allow me that luxury. I have yet to do anything on my list of things to do which obviously means nothing since I have done so much in just my two days here so far. I have not been taking many pictures so that will change today as I am bringing out the old Canon AE-1. 

Wish me luck! 

BLAH BLAH BLAH

So I am currently in NYC and I should really be posting about all the fun I am having. (and I will, see next post) But what I really want to do is talk about something that I just want to shout out to the whole world.

I won't shout on this blog I will just explain, see this picture of me? <------ That one right there, well that is how I look. Almost like a lovable chipmunk. I rarely have a problem with how I look because hey guess what? This is just how it is unless I want to pay absurd amounts of money to change it.

When I was younger my mom would always make comments about things I could change when I was older. Bless her heart, she really just didn't know any better. She was raised in a time where beauty was your main asset. You lure a man with it, you marry, have kids and that's your life.

I will always remember the moment that I realized that I wasn't what people would consider conventionally pretty. I was 9 years old and my family had gone on a trip to Ensenada, Mexico. My mom was brushing my hair in front of this huge mirror and while she did I was dissecting my face, envisioning how it would age and somewhat cringing. I just remember thinking about my personality and what else I had that made people like me. I know it sounds like a sad story but in actuality it's something that I think back on often.

I believe that the idea of  beauty is circumstantial. It all heavily depends on the society you were born into.What someone considers beautiful in North America is probably not what someone would consider beautiful that grew up in China. Trying to change yourself for all these different standards of beauty would be too time consuming not to mention pointless. This morning I looked in the mirror and felt like shit. I thought to myself as I rode on the train, why can I not look like these beautiful beings around me? Obviously self pitting gets people nowhere. I have so many people in this world telling me that I can't do something or that I am not good enough, why am I adding on to it? As a society we are so judgmental, I keep joking with my friend Jen about how I want to wear a shirt that says "I have a great personality" BECAUSE I FUCKING DO.

I keep reading all these different blogs where girls talk about how they look in the mirror and feel disgusting. How they hate themselves, how they hate certain celebrities because they are beautiful,etc,etc. It tears me up inside, so much self hatred for no other reason than trying to fit into this very narrow standard of beauty.  So wake up ladies! There is too much to worry about in this world than to try to please other people. I know how it feels to just not like yourself some days but like I tell my sisters "I wake up everyday feeling like the most beautiful girl in the world, then I go outside and the world tells me no, I just have to remember to not listen to them"