This stupid girl shit...

I just finished having a conversation with my breast...yes you read right. WITH MY BREAST.
This is when I realized that I am turning into "the crazy girl" . The girl who looks in the mirror and and dissects every little corner of their body because she has what I like to call the plague but others would refer to as a crush. So there I am in the mirror telling my boobs they need to be perkier, I never thought hitting crazy town would feel this comforting.

I don't think that boys understand the kind of power that they posses, boys or just relationships in general. Feelings are such a powerful weapon they make you do these crazy things and before you know it you are standing outside a girls window with a stereo blasting a cheesy 80's love song. I really don't get feelings. I mean I have them, some would say I have a lot but in terms of relationships I just try to stay away from those that would turn me into a girl that giggles after every word and practices writing mrs. whatever his name is over and over. UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHh


In other news:

 I purchased these awesome shoes yesterday and even though everyone at work already owns them I am still in love with them and want to wear them EVERY DAY!!!
It's really amazing how much I can allow an article of clothing to lift my spirits. I am sure there is something there that I really don't have time to go into.

Not like any other week....

I've been up to my old shenanigans again. I was feeling weary of what California has been offering me. Working six days a week can get kind of old you need to find a way to rest your mind. So I am now where I always go for a breather New York City. To be honest a few days before the trip I almost convinced myself I didn't want to go. Thinking to myself that there was no way that I would be able to rest or even have fun since my funds were low. I am on Day 4 currently and am actually having a wonderful vacation.

Before I got on the plane I purchased a little book called " Eat Pray Love", you might of heard of it. After years of passing it on Target shelves finally the book gets turned into a movie starring no other than Julia Robert. Finally the concept captures my attention, finding yourself through traveling. If you know me you know my one desire in the world is to travel, unfortunately I am only ever made it to Peru and back. Hopping through a few states in the US has been fun too but I yearn for Spain, Italy, and London. Since I've opened that book though I have been hooked and I've been reading it little by little almost like taking small sips of a good tea if only to make it last longer.

New York city has been good to me as always. I have once again taken to "exploring" the city. I love walking around and seeing how it all connects to each other. On Sunday Morning I got off on Essex stop on the J and just started walking. I had no agenda except to capture a good picture somewhere, anywhere. I ended up sitting by the water for what felt like an hour of peace. Reading and getting lost in the atmosphere. I can tell you right now that I have lost the sense of knowing how to do nothing. I am always on the go , always working, always tired. There was a moment where I looked out to the river and realized that I was indeed relaxing. It was a strange feeling to not understand how to do this but now that I remembered how I am right on track. I went back yesterday for another hour. This time though my walk extended from E. Broadway all the way to the South st. Seaport to find a little empanada place I left untouched a few years prior. It was too beautiful a day not to walk, taking a subway would of just been a crime. So I walked to Battery Park taking in the water from that side. All the people that gather in NY , all the tourist with their cameras, I wondered if they could feel what I felt.

I picked up a Village Voice, where I went to the movie section to see if I should catch a movie by myself later in the day . You see there are a few things I wanted to get done while I was here

1) see a movie by myself
2) see a show by myself
3) go to eat by myself
4) make a new friend

do we see a pattern?
In LA I feel like I am just so dependent on people, I in the core am not that person. I need to re-connect with myself if only to remember why I like myself or even better what I don't like about myself. It's all a process in trying to be better.

So far I have already gone to a show by myself. Crossed that off on the first night here. So when I looked at the Village Voice and saw that they were having Cary Grant night at BAM Rose Cinemas I nearly died. I had officially had plans to see a movie that night. Not before have some amazing .20 Cent wings with my friends and their co-workers though.

Eventually I made it to see "This Could Be The Night" at BAM. When I entered the almost empty cinema I felt somewhat better to see that everyone had come alone. There were mostly older people there with a few young girls scattered about. I guess great minds think alike. Seeing an old movie like that on the big screen felt amazing, if only to see something the way it was originally intended to be seen. The movie was hysterical and racy for it's decade and of course Cary Grant looked fabulous. There are no Cary Grants in this world today I tell you. Maybe, just maybe George Clooney. Yet out in the real world I couldn't find one to save my life. So now I can cross off # 1 off the list too.

I have three more days here let's see what else I can do....

Does anybody remember laughter????

Since we are now in the digital era it has becomes incredibly difficult for me to remember the last time I bought a real physical cd. Luckily today I actually did. Living in Los Angeles I should probably take advantage that I live in a state that has 3 Amoeba Records. Amoeba being the mecca of all that is holy in music.
I browsed the clearance racks and came out with some stuff I cannot wait to
listen to....


Beth Orton - Trailer Park
Gomez - Abandoned Shopping Trolley Hotline
Her Space Holiday - Let's get quiet Vol. 1
Gogogoairheart - S/T
Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers - Hard Promises (original issue)

Film : Fuji Sensia 200

This is my film of choice as of late. There is something about the powerful colors it brings when you process this slide film as a negative (look up: cross processing) that make only the best colors come out. A lot of green undertones reminding me of Lomography 200 xpro film. I always find it tricky using slide film because I never want the colors to be too far away from what they are suppose to look like. I hate the strong fuchsia colors that some of the other fuji slide films give you. Yet with sensia you are playing off your own colors in th picture. So far I am a satisfied customer and have started to live off this film. So far so good.

love love love...

#6042010

Let's get lost somewhere for a minute...
In my head there have been soo many emotions.
I just came back from a trip from San Francisco, always short, always sweet. Jen is leaving and heading to New York in August and my reasons to visit that great city would be cut short.
Change seems to be in the air in all directions and if I knew where it was taking me I think I would be dissapointed.
Last night a homeless man asked to clean our windows at a gas station and eventhough we insisted he didn't, he started to anyways. This man was so happy cleaning our bug infested windows that it brought me to tears. I just couldn't understand what a dipshit I have been being for the last few years. That man had almost nothing and he had a smile on his face while he recounted silly stories about washing strangers windows.
I just kept thinking "I am so lucky..and I can't even take one second to realize that"
I cried the rest of the tears I had left but luckily left with something in the end of that trip.
Cheesy? probably. But I am so sick of being unhappy and most say happiness is a choice and I would normally argue with that but it's true. Make good life choices and the rest is the outlook you choose.

I will remind myself to read this when I am feeling crappy again.

Film: Kodak Tri-X 400

At times I like to think that I know a little of what I am talking about. I have a good sense of people and why they do the things they do. Being completely self aware (not that it helps me) makes people constantly want to open up to me, which I love. What does this have to do with film you might ask? Well I always thought that photography was beautiful in it's primitive (for lack of a better word) form. Black and White film always feels like it captures something on a different plain than what color film can do. As if in shooting people in black and white you can almost see feel more of a connection. I have been using Kodak Tri-x 400 for a while now. To be honest I never was really happy with the results . I feel like it flattens a lot of my images. I think I am going to start using more Ilford since they are the kings of Black and White. Never the less here are some pics taken with Kodak Tri-x 400



\

Gloomy as heck!

I am currently at work listening to Built To Spill - Carry the Zero and trying to not fall asleep. Can I just tell you how awesome Dinosaur Jr. radio is on Pandora!!! All these great songs are coming on everything from Lemonheads to Smashing Pumpkins. Oh Smashing Pumpkins , they are but a bump in the history of my generation but I somehow can look back and find at least 3 songs of theirs that are milestones in my life. Weird how seemingly a band could not affect you but still somehow have a relationship with you in your life.

"Today" happens to be one of my favorite songs EVER!!! The lyrics and the melody even the music video seems to be etched permanently in my brain. Billy Corgan's bald head reminds me of a time in my life where music made sense to me and at the time the rest of the world. Now when I think about him though I think about all his problems with Courtney Love.

I will end this with the music video for one of my favorite Smashing Pumpkins songs

Camera Rant: Why I love my Diana Mini!

This little piece of plastic might look like it can't do much but really it packs such a punch.
If you are familiar with it's predecessor the Diana F+ you know that the magic to these cameras is in the plastic lens. Luckily with the Diana Mini you are not sacrificing too much in the size.
The Mini keeps the plastic lens to still give you those soft focus images and eventhough it shoots in 35mm format ( a feature I find to be a million times more convenient) it still gives you the square image that the Diana is famous for. Since the Mini cannot be made into a pinhole, the lens doesn't come off like the regular Diana, it does give you the option of shooting half frame. So on a 36 exposure roll you can shoot 72 pictures, and you don't have to stay committed to half frame through out your whole roll you can actually go back and forth. This is my favorite feature since for years I had been trying to get my hands on an Olympus Pen an older camera that had that feature back in the day. Then I found the golden half a camera made by superheadz that seemed to do what the Pen did but lacked in the picture quality.The Mini does everything the golden half does and more. I also must rave about the panoramic options you have with it, it's really what I have been experimenting with and so far so good. I must end this by talking about the focusing. I have never been good at judging focusing on meters but I feel that with the Diana Mini it's a little more forgiving. I tend to always get a good shot.

Here are some shots I have taken so far with the Mini

It was a nice break

... and now back to the real world.

Utah, I had been there twice before and both times I loved it. This time it was a little different. I was surrounded with friends, I had a lot more money and it was fucking snowing. After a fourteen hour drive and a four hour pit stop in Vegas we finally made it. Downtown SLC is very interesting, it's a city and yet not. I remember walking down the streets of temple square when there were no sky scrapper buildings but now it's like stepping into a different state within a one mile radius.

The cold is what really caught me off guard being babied by California weather anything below fifteen degrees is always a shock. I spent most of Thursday night and Friday searching for a Walgreens. I google mapped the fuck out of that Walgreens and it seemed that anywhere I turned I was going the wrong way. Big tip to any major city DO NOT HAVE MULTIPLE STREETS NAMED ALMOST THE SAME!!! I get that 400 s. and 400 w. are two different streets but when I'm walking and lost I can't remember which way is which at that point. Shadi and I went on a 45 minute walk to the mecca that was Walgreens and then found out we could of taken the train there (awesome). You know your life isn't really that interesting when you spend most of your day in a different state looking for a place to buy bobby pins.

The best part was when I was stuck in the hotel elevator for 20 minutes with the most obnoxious guy. He didn't mind being stuck in there because in his words "he had nothing to do".

I would have punched him if they didn't come rescue us. RETARDED...

We spent our last day there going to Sundance to see what the hoopla was about. Unfortunately we didn't get to see much hoopla since we had no tickets to any movies and it was nearing the end of the festival. Regardless Park City is a very beautiful place to visit. I just kept thinking that this was the backdrop for all those hallmark christmas cards. Snow everywhere which always makes me happy since we don't get a lick of snow in Downey,California.

I would normally talk about the show here but there was really nothing to say besides the fact that it was pretty awesome. I don't normally judge Brand New shows mainly because it's rare for me to not enjoy one. Obviously I enjoy some more than others but I can only think of one bad show in the seventy or so that I have been to. So therefore the show was good and definitely worth sitting in the car for 14 more hours on our way home.

So verdict about Utah : will visit again yet not anytime soon.....