I'm waving to people who weren't there....

My eyes flutter because I need sleep. I am constantly trying to sleep and not succeeding.

I'm such a baby that lack of sleep makes me cry, well everything makes me cry.

I'll alert the world when I grow a second skin. I went out with the girls last week to

Art Night at a museum in Pasadena. It was so nice just to get out of the house.

Sometimes I feel like I'm punishing myself by locking myself up in my room.

These are some of the pictures that I took that night.

I have two trips coming up in the next month and I am so excited. I get my income tax back next week and I'm thinking that with the leftover money I can buy a new camera. I only want to spend my time with a camera and friends lately.I sound like such a bore and maybe it's because it's bedtime! Maybe one day I'll write something real.

"...silly bunny..

when a guy says they want a "nice girl"

they really want a hot girl, they just don't

want to come off as a dick ....

Well at least the ones that care how they come off...

"nice" girls are everywhere..

they are smart..sweet to a fault..and funny, witty if your lucky.

still you overlook her , you want the other girl with the perfect hair

and pretty eyes..

I don't blame you, maybe if I was in your shoes i'd choose the same thing.

i'm not a guy, i don't know what you really want but judging from what

i see on a regular basis you want a long pair of legs that go on for miles..."

" I thought he looked right through me , like finally someone saw me for who I really

was but instead he was looking passed me and that's when i started feeling invisible.

Which is an interesting feeling because after awhile it becomes comforting. I mean

invisibility is a superpower people crave so to own it in this real world is somewhat empowering

once you get past the tears."

.............................

I just finished watching this short movie called "Eight Percent".

It was okay but I really love the idea of where the title stemmed from.

I love when people have random animal (or other ..) facts and they

apply them to human behavior... I'm all cheese I know

but here it is anyways

wasting time.

There is so much I want to do and I feel like I'm just sort of sitting here
watching life pass me by. I used to be such a motivated person, now I sit
with my dog every night while I edit photos I took so long ago.
I remember thinking I would never be this mediocre but maybe only
mediocre people think that way?

I decided that once I buy a 35mm negative scanner that I might turn this into a photo blog. I am trying to find a new camera to buy and I think that I'm pretty much done on digital. I've been looking at a lot of polaroid cameras lately and I know that polaroid film is done with but trust me it's out there somewhere.
There is so much I want to capture out there and I just can't do it from sitting behind a laptop.
It's frustrating, I wish I was a collector of things that were worth something because I'm at the point in my life where I want to just sell everything and move to Spain for a year. Yet selling everything would probably leave me with a couple of hundred bucks and no matter how I stretch that I'm sure it wont even be enough for a plane ticket.

My face keeps changing everyday. I don't understand how it could do that really. Can I be different people everyday? I'm sick of working in los angeles, I come home feeling fat and ugly and a bunch of other insecurities I can't put into words. Disturbing really when everyone is falling over a girl with cut off shorts who can barely spell her name. It has almost made me lose hope in finding someone, I did say almost. No matter how hard I try I can't turn that switch off. So I end up thinking that Mr. Right is going to sweep me off my feet with whatever witty banter they can come up with. I'm trying to to kill that hope though , since I came up with my "theory" that I will ramble on about at another time.
I'm trying though , you know , to be a girl. Not that I'm not one without trying but since I keep getting the boyfriend question lately I might feel that I detract guys without even trying.
Where the hell is this going again?

Ok really I'm trying not to sleep and since I'm failing badly I think its bedtime.

goodnight