Years end...

It seems that the year came as fast as it went. I don't even remember how the year started and not that it was bad but I am glad it's over. There is a lot I want to get to so hopefully new year new beginnings.

Yesterday Shadi and I went to the Observatory. We both hadn't been there since we were younger. It's amazing how many great places there are in LA that we take for granted. The view from the top was amazing and I got to capture some awesome shots with my Polaroid Land Camera. After the Observatory we picked up Luis and headed to The Grove, our usual lunch spot The Cheesecake Factory kept us full!!! Then we watched "Up in the Air". I personally loved the movie it was everything that I expected. Such an insightful look at someone who has build their life being a hermit. I loved the ending, I hate when movies end "happily ever after" just for the sake of leaving you happy at the end.






I got my pictures back from NY these are some of my favorites.. all taken with Lomography 800 speed film.

New York...forever and always..

I spent a glorious week having my usual visit to New York during the holidays. Living in California we lose out on the novelty of Christmas. It is almost always 76 and sunny here (excluding last week of course.) Sometimes I just need to see everything decked out in lights, or just the need to feel the cold on my face. The cold I felt, EXTREMELY! I spent most of my time though with Diego in his apartment just watching youtube videos. (we know how to party)

I love Brooklyn and forget that the city isn't always the be all of everything. The culture and some of the sights that you see in Brooklyn could be easily as stunning as anything in the city.

I do go to New York a lot so when I arrive I like to hit up my favorite spots one of them being Grand Morelos , which I affectionately call "dirty mexican food". They are notorious for cheap mexican food at odd hours of the night and somehow they love to give you your check about two hours after you are done with your food. We hit it up on a Friday night and didn't end up leaving till 5:30 am.

It was awesome to see Diego and Rusha!!! It was sad though because there were soo many peopl I didn't get to see :( It's okay I should be back soon. It feels nice to have such good friends so far away and still be completely close to them. Speaking of great friends that are far away Jenn was in town from San Francisco! She was researching schools and it was GLORIOUS for us to reunite in New York. We hit up this awkward karaoke bar on her last night. The bar was filled with men in suits and after Eric went to have a smoke he informed us that a review outside said "an interesting mix of bankers and hipsters" they were on the dot about that one.

Highlight of the trip was getting to see the Who shot rock n roll exhibit at the brooklyn museum of art. I still get chills thinking about it. Next trip is at the end of January and trust me I cannot wait till Utah.

pictures by Michelle and Jenn

I want short hair back...

Could you believe this was me???
I am slowly starting to feel like the person I used to be. When I was younger I thought I could do anything and no one could stop me. Maybe being idealistic like this was the key to my happiness. Ignorance is bliss like they all say. I used to wear my hair this short because it made me feel powerful. It started as an accident really, I bleached my hair about 3 times and when that was done my hair felt like hay. All I could do was cut off all my hair and hope to God that it would grow out fast. I remember being in the salon chair scared for my life with tears rolling down my face after each snip. Pathetic? I know, but for a girl hiding behind your hair is almost like your strength. It isn't just a greek myth it's how we feel. As soon as the hair went though I actually felt different. I had nothing to hide behind it was almost like I was really showing myself to the world. Years after the first cut I would revisit this haircut every time I wanted to "shed my skin". A boy would hurt me, the hair left. New job, new challenge in my life the hair left. You get the picture. I have since let my hair grow, it is now way passed my shoulders. I still get the urge to cut my hair every once and awhile but I have to tell myself that things are different now. Who knows maybe one day I'll be that person again.

It's been a while hasn't it.

Since the last time I posted I have done A LOT!!! I've also had about a gazillion meltdowns to cover. It's amazing that this year is almost over and to think of it I think it's the year I learned the most. I lost one of my favorite people in the world to cancer and lived through it. I still can't believe she is gone. I went from constantly complaining about my position in life to owning everything and now almost being okay with it. I am inspired by the person I used to be and re-connecting with that person is what has changed my outlook. I'm planning so much for this new year and am just excited to get the ball rolling.

Enough about that now on to other things. The past few weeks I have found myself in more social situations that I could shake a stick at. I love my friends but if you know me I am not exactly the social butterfly. A couple of weeks ago my co-workers coerced me into staying in LA for the night so they could show me around, what ended up happening was that 2 pitchers of pbr, a dozen or so beers, one jack and coke later I couldn't remember where I was...eeekkk.


this is Kyle he normally is a nice guy from Conneticut but that night he was pretty much an evil killer.


Marshall being a creepster..

Daniel and his friend decided to get a way past midnight snack. About five minutes later Daniel ran upstairs to show us his room where he then decided to pass out.

Marshall being himself, no seriously!

This is Marshall's pet snake. Snakes are a lot cuter than we give them credit for.

I'm really looking into neighborhoods in LA to move to. I don't like LA but in all honesty I can't hold out any longer in moving out and it's either LA or Orange County and since I work in LA I think one is a no brainer. Neighborhoods like Echo Park and Los Feliz are really calling out to me right now. To be honest I just want a place to hang pictures on the wall and bake cookies the rest really doesn't matter.

You try to let people in ...You really do..
and then they hurt you ..and ruin it for the rest of them..
So then you try again...You retreat back to locking doors and putting up walls.. and then you meet "him" the most amazing person. The guy who tells you that you look nice for no reason..who constantly wants to hang out ...who makes you laugh and always tells you that you do the same to him, and this guy seems like he's knocking yet you wont let him in...hey dipshits you ruined it for me......i'm slowly decaying by myself and now i've locked myself in this cage too scared to
let the right one in..

FUCK !

my favorite things..

Lately I've been lugging around a few things in this oversized denim bag..
It is one of my favorite things I have purchased in awhile. ...The bag is from D collection and looks like a denim gym bag but somehow it has become my everyday bag that carries my whole life...These are a few of my favorite things found in my bag.



Harajuku Lovers fragrance - Music.
To be honest the only reason I purchased this was because of the cute little doll on the bottle. But besides being adorable it also smells soo good. I love floral smells and this one hits the spot, plus it's small so I can take it with me everywhere.


Lollia handcream.
I was never into hand creams or lotions of any kind but this one smells so lovely and makes your hands feel silky smooth. It is also super cheap for 8 dollars for a small tube you can just throw it in your purse and forget about it.

Sephora lipgloss - red velvet
I love lipgloss it's probably the only make-up I find a necessity. This color is an awesome shade of red without overpowering your lips.

C.0. Bigalow - My favorite lip balm.
The name says it all! I wish that I could wear this all the time and forget about any sort of makeup. So light, it makes my lips so soft I am in love.

Baby Holga
So small I could take it anywhere and yet still allows me to take pictures with holga quality.

Two states of mind.

Is it possible to live in two parallel universes?
I think not, but something is seriously not right
here. When I feel I'm done with something I just
Want to move on to the next thing but second guesses
Amongst other things are stopping me from making choices
And once again fear is running my life.
Its hard to see yourself on this pattern but even harder to make an
effort to stop it.

I made plans and now I'm too afraid to go through with them. I guess we
all have to find the courage somewhere.

life is an experiment at the moment...

Things are teeter totering right now..
It's a roller coaster of life and death and not knowing what's coming next..
that wasn't suppose to rhyme.

In the next few weeks I hope that the cream rises to the top
...


I had time and did this on photoshop based on my photos..anything to pass the time.

you were always the one...

It's been awhile since I've written in here ..maybe a life update is needed.

I'm thinking of giving up on digital , maybe selling my nikon d40 and saving up for a hasselblad?
I don't know if I could give up instant gratification though...
I've been working a lot lately and planning my trip to New York. There is a road trip to Buffalo in the works right now and hopefully everything will go off without a hitch.

San Francisco was awesome! It was the first time I had a real vacation in a really long time. I let Jenn lead me all around the city and it was just nice to take my shoes off and be "old Mel" for awhile as others call it. Sometimes I think I'm too reserved for my own good.

Strange days ahead...I'm having second thoughts about EVERYTHING! I am so happy to be going to New York at least for a week because I'm getting that itch again. New York in the summer is what I'm really looking forward to . In fact I haven't spent a summer in California in two years.

I have learned two important things in the last few weeks. The first being that I need to learn how to let go of things. I'm so into dramatics not necessary dramatic but if it could resemble a movie I guess I'm in. I should just be a screen writer..sigh. But now I know that I have to talk myself out of doing the most expected extravagant thing. Which means no running down the airport confessing eternal love and or no making scenes on street corners. These things are never good without pre-written dialogue.

Secondly, I learned that I'm subtly always trying to control everything. I always hated people who were so obviously trying to control every situation but I guess I just hated them because they took my control away . It's almost comical how I couldn't tap into this sooner but I'm working on it... I'll let ya know how it goes..

Now I must engage in retail therapy ......to try to forget things/people.
such a girl!

I'm waving to people who weren't there....

My eyes flutter because I need sleep. I am constantly trying to sleep and not succeeding.

I'm such a baby that lack of sleep makes me cry, well everything makes me cry.

I'll alert the world when I grow a second skin. I went out with the girls last week to

Art Night at a museum in Pasadena. It was so nice just to get out of the house.

Sometimes I feel like I'm punishing myself by locking myself up in my room.

These are some of the pictures that I took that night.

I have two trips coming up in the next month and I am so excited. I get my income tax back next week and I'm thinking that with the leftover money I can buy a new camera. I only want to spend my time with a camera and friends lately.I sound like such a bore and maybe it's because it's bedtime! Maybe one day I'll write something real.

"...silly bunny..

when a guy says they want a "nice girl"

they really want a hot girl, they just don't

want to come off as a dick ....

Well at least the ones that care how they come off...

"nice" girls are everywhere..

they are smart..sweet to a fault..and funny, witty if your lucky.

still you overlook her , you want the other girl with the perfect hair

and pretty eyes..

I don't blame you, maybe if I was in your shoes i'd choose the same thing.

i'm not a guy, i don't know what you really want but judging from what

i see on a regular basis you want a long pair of legs that go on for miles..."

" I thought he looked right through me , like finally someone saw me for who I really

was but instead he was looking passed me and that's when i started feeling invisible.

Which is an interesting feeling because after awhile it becomes comforting. I mean

invisibility is a superpower people crave so to own it in this real world is somewhat empowering

once you get past the tears."

.............................

I just finished watching this short movie called "Eight Percent".

It was okay but I really love the idea of where the title stemmed from.

I love when people have random animal (or other ..) facts and they

apply them to human behavior... I'm all cheese I know

but here it is anyways

wasting time.

There is so much I want to do and I feel like I'm just sort of sitting here
watching life pass me by. I used to be such a motivated person, now I sit
with my dog every night while I edit photos I took so long ago.
I remember thinking I would never be this mediocre but maybe only
mediocre people think that way?

I decided that once I buy a 35mm negative scanner that I might turn this into a photo blog. I am trying to find a new camera to buy and I think that I'm pretty much done on digital. I've been looking at a lot of polaroid cameras lately and I know that polaroid film is done with but trust me it's out there somewhere.
There is so much I want to capture out there and I just can't do it from sitting behind a laptop.
It's frustrating, I wish I was a collector of things that were worth something because I'm at the point in my life where I want to just sell everything and move to Spain for a year. Yet selling everything would probably leave me with a couple of hundred bucks and no matter how I stretch that I'm sure it wont even be enough for a plane ticket.

My face keeps changing everyday. I don't understand how it could do that really. Can I be different people everyday? I'm sick of working in los angeles, I come home feeling fat and ugly and a bunch of other insecurities I can't put into words. Disturbing really when everyone is falling over a girl with cut off shorts who can barely spell her name. It has almost made me lose hope in finding someone, I did say almost. No matter how hard I try I can't turn that switch off. So I end up thinking that Mr. Right is going to sweep me off my feet with whatever witty banter they can come up with. I'm trying to to kill that hope though , since I came up with my "theory" that I will ramble on about at another time.
I'm trying though , you know , to be a girl. Not that I'm not one without trying but since I keep getting the boyfriend question lately I might feel that I detract guys without even trying.
Where the hell is this going again?

Ok really I'm trying not to sleep and since I'm failing badly I think its bedtime.

goodnight

there is nothing like family..

Sisters, sisters , and more sisters....

(my favorite picture i've taken of angela)

lost forgotten photos..