Read the Signs...

On my way to the gym this morning I felt like I kept seeing all these great unexpected signs. Not signs as in the universe is trying to talk to me but literal signs, either spray painted or put on marquees. Like an idiot I forgot to carry a camera with me but I at least had my phone on me.

 

I recently watched L.A. Story for the first time in years, I forgot the central idea to the movie being leading your life through what signs you get from the universe. I think it is time that I start paying attention to what is going on around me more closely. Normally you would think that I would subscribe to the notion that the universe is discreetly telling me what to do but just like everyone else in this world if the world is talking to me I am too busy texting on my phone to hear what it has to say. 

Story Time:  About two years ago I was working a job I hated, and only recently left. My manager was the dumbest person I have ever encountered and he dealt with this fact by being a complete asshole to me. It was the hardest thing to run a department and let him get all the credit on top of that he felt he needed to belittle everything I did to somehow boost his confidence. One day I had it, I was 30 minutes away from break and had decided that all I wanted to do was cry in the break room. When my break had arrived apparently he had the same idea, minus the crying part. I had nowhere to go so I walked down the street to Starbucks where I proceeded to call my friend and bitch about how this man not only makes my life miserable but also ruined my only time to have some emotional release. So I sat there with my head pressed against the table at Starbucks crying in front of complete strangers and when I looked down at the table there it was. Two napkins one reading something along the lines of .... "Everything will be better", than an arrow pointing to another napkin reading "Go to Spain". I know this seems like a crock of shit but in all honesty I couldn't believe it either, whether it was the universe speaking to me or just a coincidence who cares. I am planning my first trip to Spain next year and cannot wait to see what that has in store for me. I will end this with another sign I have seen on my way home.....

 

Forgotten....

 

I just scanned some images from my trip to NYC in 2010. I know I frequent New York City often but this trip was one of my favorites. I remember carrying around this cheap Kodak makeshift panoramic camera I had picked up at a thrift store a week prior to my trip. I was excited to see if I could capture some great panoramas of the NYC skyline, Times Square, Central Park etc. To be completely honest I had so many cameras on that trip that this one kind of fell by the way side. I recently discovered it in my failed attempt to clean my room. I had our lab develop the pictures a few weeks ago and once again I forgot all about the film. Luckily I had nothing to do yesterday night (not a surprise) so I spent the whole night scanning this roll. It's amazing how you can be drawn right back into a moment just by looking at a single picture. In a way, I think that is why I am drawn to photography. It is the closest thing I have to pausing my life.

This picture right here was taken on a whim, I had never planned to go to Hoboken and see my friend Jude it just happened. All the planets aligned and I was lucky enough to spend the day with a really good friend. The same way that day was not planned, this picture was not planned either. I snapped two panoramic shots one right after the other. When I went to go scan them they made such a great diptych that I feel the mood of the picture was lost when I separate the two.

I think I am going to start experimenting with lost photography, it seems to make it more special when you see something you forgot you even had. I guess I could apply this to life in someway.

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Another forgotten roll was found recently when I was cleaning out a bag I had for years. I found a roll that had ripped and I managed to save in the canister. It was also from a trip to New York, and it ripped while I was watching Jesse Lacey and Kevin Devine perform at the Williamsburg Music Hall more than three years ago. At the time I didn't know how to salvage the roll, even worse I didn't know who would develop it the way it was. As soon as we opened the lab in our store I politely asked our technician if we could put it through the machine. She was hesitant due to the fact that we both didn't know how a dirty roll that survived in a pocket of my handbag for three plus years would affect her machine. Luckily nothing happened but the results were crazy, light leaks, color changes, etc. Take a look for yourself ....

San Francisco....again

I have been to San Francisco many times in my life. Before New York City entered the picture this was the place I would go escape. It was the only real city I knew, or at least thought I knew. Looking back now I see how in the last 9 years I have only seen snapshots of the city. Being led through it by a number of different people,  seeing it through their eyes. 

  I always tell people that this is the only place I have been to more than a dozen times and yet I still can't figure out how to get around. You can drop me off  in the middle of the city and I would not understand at all how it connects. I remember the first time I went with Michelle, we stayed for 3 days, slept in the car in the parking lot of a hostel and drove up and down Van Ness street for what seemed like forever. That was 

freedom at nineteen years old I guess. 

This time around I traveled with an old high school friend who I hadn't seen or talked to in person for over 5 years. It is strange to think that someone would want to re-connect on a trip where there are no outs if for some reason the connection is not there anymore, well I am a strange girl.  

Once again it became a thing of seeing the city through her eyes, not that it was bad but I am wondering when I am going to get my own view of the city. Or maybe it is just too late? New york stole my heart it would be too hard to try to get it back. I am so confused with San Francisco now a days... besides it's black and white photobooth in Fisherman's Wharf I don't know what else I have to look forward to when I go. Wait I forgot, it has Bi-Rite Creamery ... you can disregard everything else I just said.

 

Your just jealous cuz we're young and in love....

 

I have been spending a lot of time with my family lately, just hanging out with my little sisters.  When you are that young hanging out literally means doing nothing. Spending hours in a singular location enjoying the time that is passing by. Do you remember the feeling of not feeling rushed? Of not thinking of all the things you had to do in the next couple of hours?  I love being around the unfiltered that feel like the world is in the palm of their hands. I once used to feel invincible but now I second guess every move I make even when I am walking down the street.

Why do you think we lose that? I know a big chunk of that is dream vs reality. We can only live so much in our head, after awhile I am sure we would go crazy. I have given much thought lately as to why I don't feel things are possible. When you are younger you say to yourself "I am going to travel the world" then you get older an realize you have to have a job to do this. Money is and forever will be the biggest buzzkill. I know that we are suppose to think a certain way when we are older. Stable job, stable house, stable family life...but what if that is not what you want. I think from now on I am going to ask my 10 year old sister what she would do and go from there.....

 Do you remember the age of young love? When you still got butterflies and all you really wanted to do is hold someone's hand? My teenage sister is experiencing young love for the first time. Her best friend is exactly who she wants to be around all the time. I look at them and think "Could they have found something so young?" Teenagers now a days know too much... they know things don't last. I don't know whether that is a good thing or a bad thing.....

Note to self: Act like a kid every once in awhile, there has to be a secret to their laughter.