day four ..month four? you decide

it's so easy to get lost in this city
figuratively and literally...
it's almost as if i never know when im coming and going
this place must of invented the phrase
i feel all alone in a crowded room
but it's an alone i guess we all know internally we are this place just
surfaces it and makes you face it and be okay with it.
.............

i find myself wanting to not do anything in a city so big it just seems that im surrendering to the idea of it mostly because there is too much to do...growing out of your shell..having life experiences..etc..etc.. all seem like things i need to take advantage of
no one looks up when they are walking here..so much as if they have too much to do ..or they look past you
i've never less special or uglier in my life now i know both these things sound horrible but really it's almost a relief
you know when people tell you there will always be someone prettier and smarter out there than you it's just life
those people who say that must of grown up in new york
everyone seems amazing
who knows if they are
maybe one day i'll get to come home with that same je ne sais quoi about me
who knows if i can master that or believe it
brooklyn is defitnetly my favorite as bad and pretentious people make this place out to be
its the only place i can see people being at their absolute core ...even if their core are a bunch of indie hipsters

i dont know it just seems like they can appreciate a good thrift store dress and nothing in my closet
is anything less..

i am wearing no makeup today i look like shit
yay